I don't want my daughter getting these calls

If you get an Internet Relay call, insist on knowing who the caller is. If the caller doesn't give a first and last name, hang up. Don't play guessing games —.you may give out personal information the caller can use against you or your child. Remember, you don't know if this is a classmate or a criminal. If you know the caller and he is not deaf, hard of hearing or speech impaired, tell him that Relay is a service for the deaf and not to call this way ever again. Then hang up.

If the caller does give a first and last name, but you don't know him, ask what he is calling about. You are not invading your child's privacy. You are the parent. Secretaries ask this question before letting calls through because the boss' time is valuable. Your child's safety and well-being are just as valuable.

Finally, don't be afraid to ask, “And why are you using the Relay service?” If the caller gives any answer other than a hearing or speech disability, tell him that Relay is a service for the deaf and not to call this way ever again. Then hang up.

If you let the call through, keep an eye on your child. Does she seem shocked? Upset? Confused? Guilty? You may want to tell her she needs to hang up and have the person call back later. In the meantime, you need to have a talk.

How do I find out what's really going on?

Whether or not you let the call through, you need to talk to your child. There are several possibilities. At best, she has a deaf friend. If so, you need to meet this person. If there is any doubt in your mind whether or not your child is telling you the truth, that should settle it.

On the other hand, your child may have no idea who is calling her or why. Has she heard of Relay calls before? Does she know of kids doing this at school? Is anyone picking on her or trying to go out with her?

There is another possibility. Your child may have run across the other abusers of Internet Relay — Nigerian criminal gangs. Has she been in a chat room, filled out an online form or responded to email from someone she doesn't know? What personal information has she given out? Has anyone asked her to order merchandise, accept a package or email a photo of herself? They may be looking for an accomplice to help them steal from merchants or they may be trafficking in women and girls. If you think this might be the case, see what to do to protect yourself and your family.

There is one final possibility — willing participation in obscene (your child probably calls them “prank”) Internet Relay calls.

I think my kid might be involved in this

Take it seriously. This is bullying behavior with real consequences for real people, including your child. It is not healthy for teenagers and young adults — just coming to terms with their own sexuality — to be confusing that with humiliation and violence. Racist attitudes and behaviors must be confronted, not tolerated. The same goes for hate speech directed against homosexuals, whatever your views on homosexuality. And be aware that while most calls come from boys, many come from girls too.